it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
