I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
