Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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