My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
