**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
