i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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