dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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