I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
