My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
