Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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