How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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