I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
