we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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