Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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