Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize