I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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