It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
