??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
