feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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