The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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