My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
