Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
