oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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