T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
