It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
