You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
