He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
