Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
