He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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