i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
