i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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