I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
