just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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