Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
