dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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