Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
