he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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