I wish I could teleport
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
