Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize