so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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