I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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