last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
