Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
