This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
