those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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