Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
