he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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