My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
