That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
