And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
