Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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