No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
