I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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