My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
