Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
