I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
