so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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