What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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