he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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