Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
