I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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