I feel like I'm in dance class right now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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