I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
