I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
