Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
