You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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