Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
